Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
