I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
