I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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