Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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