Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
