32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
