He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
