If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
