I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
