Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
