the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
