My friends, they love my intelligence
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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