You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
