Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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