after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My ass is underappreciated
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
