Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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