He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
