so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
