I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
