i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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