I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
