is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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