I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
