I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
