$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
