On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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