I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
