$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
