the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize