I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes