chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Actions speak louder than pants.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
