i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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