i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
