Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
