So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
no you cant smoke seaweed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
