My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
