how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
