its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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