If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
