Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize