My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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