I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
