Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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