you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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