I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
