they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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