How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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