New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
