I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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