My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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