So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
