I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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