I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
