i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
