I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
