So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
