Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Randomize
