the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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