Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
