Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he was CRYING into my vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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