New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
