do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
