my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
