I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
