thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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