listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
