I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
