I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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