my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
