Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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