i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
