I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
