fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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